It Takes A Village

Adoption is wonderful and beautiful and HARD. So hard.  A friend of mine adopted her 8 year old daughter from Ethiopia last August and a few months later she said she wished someone had told her how hard it was going to be.  I told her it was hard, but she didn't realize how hard. Obviously sometimes it is harder than others, but three things are nearly constants in adoption:

1.  The child is going through great loss.
2.  The family is going through enormous change, and often jet lag. (12hr time difference for us.)
3.  The community often doesn't know how to support them.

Jen Hatmaker wrote a great blog post on how to support adoptive families:
How To Be The Village. It is true and real and funny (just like Jen), but it's long, so I'm afraid every reader here won't read the whole thing.  Read it if you have time, but if not I'll summarize, and apply it to our family for you below.

Charlie will be going through all kinds of emotions for a very, very long time.  He will be easily overwhelmed, often overstimulated and super sensitive.  When we bring him home, he will be gaining a family (awesome), but he will have just lost nearly everything he has ever known or cared about.  The only home he can remember, his ayis who are like his mamas, his friends, his animals, his language, his routine, everything.  We will be laying low and staying home for several weeks in order to limit his stress and help him become comfortable in his new home.  He also does not know what having a family with one mom and one dad looks like.  His brain will take time figuring this out. There will be a lot of meltdowns, a lot of tears, and a lot of testing Mommy and Daddy.

Finding tangible ways to support an adoptive family can be tricky, especially if you don't realize what they are going through.  When someone has a newborn baby, having showers and meals brought to them are expected. People assume you aren't getting any sleep and they expect you to take time off of work and other responsibilities.  With adoption, especially with an older child, this is often not the case.  I am not saying I want a shower for a 7 year old (I'm really not, and a couple of my sweet friends did ask), but that is just a traditional way to show support.  So if you know someone adopting a younger child or baby, yes, they want, need and deserve a shower.  But if they are adopting an older child, there are other ways to "shower" them.  Restaurant cards, frozen meals, gifts for the child, play-dates with older sibs, coffee (or wine) for parents, Target cards, Amazon cards, etc.

We have already felt supported by our village through our fund-raising and your prayers.
Even you reading my blog makes me feel supported.  But the fun is just beginning.

I'm just going to go ahead and tell you, this transition is going to be hard for me.  We will be returning from China on a Saturday and Stephen will be returning to work that Monday.  His current job is very demanding and requires a lot of travel.  His vacation days will be eaten up by our 2+ week trip to China.  Our new son is a very energetic child who does not speak English.  He is going to require a ton of attention, patience, and energy.  My adopted daughter is very insecure at times and quite stressed about her parents having enough love to go around for all three kids.  She is going to require a ton of attention, patience, and energy.  I am excited and scared at the same time.

We will hole up and cocoon for the first week home, and then after that would love visitors.  Please call or text so we can let you know when would be a good time for a visit, but I know I'm going to need some encouragement and time with friends.  If my house is a wreck and my kids are acting like hooligans, don't judge me.  Just laugh (or cry) with me and bring me a casserole.

The Best Is Yet To Come!

At this point our Article 5 (the last piece of paperwork this side of adoption) has been picked up from the US Consulate in Guanzhou, China and now we are finally waiting on Travel Approval.  This can come in 2 days or 2 weeks.  As long as we get it quickly, we plan to leave for China on JUNE 10th. Which is 2 weeks away!  Unfortunately, we can't buy tickets until we receive TA, but we've been looking at flights and spoken with our travel agent.  Fortunately, it looks like all of the traveling that Stephen has done over the past year and a half will pay off!  His frequent flyer miles are going to make a big difference in the cost of our airfare!

I got Charlie this adorable shirt, and we are brushing up on our very limited Mandarin.  I am already packing, and planning each and every detail of the trip.  I am a planner and have been working on my lists for months.  The kids are out of school now, and after this coming weekend, I will officially be on my "maternity leave" from work for 2 months.  It is getting so real.

I have made a Wishlist for Charlie on Amazon, and have bought the essentials to get us through the trip.  Still not completely sure of his size, but we know he is very small for his age.  If the Size 5 clothes I bought him are too small, we'll just buy some things in China.  Stephen had to do that last time when the airline lost his luggage for 5 days!  Lol.

I can't wait to see him in all his cute little outfits.

Skyping

We got to Skype with Charlie again last night! This time it was at 8:00pm so Sam and Kate got to join us.  They were all 3 sweet and cute and asked lots of questions.  They sang Old MacDonald together and Sam and Kate showed him some of his new toys.  We got him a blue, remote control "muscle car" and a little plane that lights up and makes all kinds of noise.  He was pretty excited.  He kept asking to see Sam's Batman pajamas up close and Sam taught him how to say "Batman."  He held up his Batman and Superman action figures for him to see and Charlie asked how you play with those. We just kind of banged them together, which probably seems pretty dumb, but he thought it was funny.

Sam asked him what his favorite sport is and he said Running.  He wanted to see the kids' rooms and their beds and toys.  He said he knew who Mickey Mouse, Snoopy and Angry Birds were.

I asked him his favorite movie and he said he doesn't like movies (break my heart in two!) but his teacher explained that they only watch movies at free time in the afternoon and they have a choice to watch a movie or play outside and he always chooses to play outside.

He sang his ABC's for us, and did a great job.  He has the cutest little voice and when he sings he raises his eyebrows up like he is really into it.  I absolutely love it.

    

He very easily gives High Fives and kisses.  He has a quick smile and is always willing to sing us a song.  But when he has a question or has something to say, he always whispers it to his teacher.  The volume on our end of Skype was very low, so it was super hard to hear.  Sam said he was surprised that he was kind of quiet, but I have a feeling that won't be the case when we see him in person.

He said "I love you" in English and calls us Mama and Baba.  He is still practicing saying Sam and Kate and said he couldn't remember their names when we asked him.  He just calls them Jie Jie and Ge Ge (Big Sister and Big Brother).

He kept seeing our back yard in the background and it was still a little light outside, and finally the teacher asked if we could please show him outside, because he had so many questions.  So we all went outside and he pointed out everything he saw, even the grill!  He wanted to know when we grill, etc.  When he saw the basketball goal, he said he wanted to see the basketball too.  Lol!  He is so curious about everything and definitely likes details.  At one point he said that Kate's face looked a little blue. Could he see our light fixture to see if we had blue light bulbs?  We showed him and said no, we don't have blue light bulbs, that her face was probably reflecting his blue shirt.  He seemed okay with that.

At the beginning of the conversation we showed him a Mickey Mouse shirt and a Snoopy shirt that we'd bought him.  Then about 30 mins later, he asked if he could see the Snoopy shirt again and wanted to study it and make comments about Snoopy's hat and what the shirt said, etc.



When it was time for the kids to go to bed he asked what we did to put them to bed, and when we told him we sing them a song and give them a kiss and turn out the light, he said he wanted to do that with us too.  He is a sweet, sweet boy.  We can't wait until he is home.

A Happy Mothers' Day!

Last night, to end Mother's Day, we got to Skype with Charlie!  It was 10:30pm for us, 10:30am for him. Unfortunately, Sam and Kate were in the bed, but Stephen and I had a great time with our new son!  We were a little nervous, and expected we would both ask a few questions and it would all be over in a few minutes, but we talked for an HOUR!

When we answered the call, he was sitting there smiling holding up a Happy  Mother's Day card he made.  His teacher wrote in the inside, "I love you, Mama!  I want to see you soon!  Love, Charlie"
We had some wonderful interaction.  I really just expected to get questions answered and I thought he would be more reserved.  He was quiet (he would whisper to his teacher) but he was animated.  He gave us high fives and kisses.  He was right up on the screen, so he could see, and the teacher said he was studying our faces, and kept pointing things out.  One of the first things he noticed was Stephen's glasses.  We held up our cat to the screen and at first he didn't think it was real, but then he thought it was funny.
I told him I love his face and want to kiss his whole face, and he said I could kiss his lips too.

His teacher who speaks English very well, not only translated for us, but did a wonderful job facilitating and encouraging interaction.  I have never even used Skype before, and really didn't know what to expect, but Teacher Fang had great suggestions, like playing Simon Says and singing each other songs. He sang us about 3 songs, one was really long and dramatic and he was really into it-- hilarious.  I sang him You Are My Sunshine.  I don't think he knew what I was saying, but his teacher said he knows that song and he was smiling.


When we played Simon Says, we'd say "Simon says point to Mama's nose, Simon says point to Baba's glasses, touch your hair," etc, all in English and he'd do it!

We found out so much about him.  Some things we already knew, some things we didn't.  He loves animals.  His teacher said he has no fear of animals.  In English, he said his favorite animal is a sheep.  Stephen asked him what the sheep says, and he said, "Baaaaaa!"  His teacher said his favorite game on the iPad is Feed The Animals.  We'll have to find that one.

He loves to sing, and has a good voice!  His favorite types of music are Blues and Funk.  He likes to play the guitar.  He loves cars and wants us to get him a blue toy car.  He likes things that make sounds and light up and "need batteries".  Lol.  We'll have to get working on that too.  He doesn't really like Legos because to play with them he has to sit still, he is very active and his teacher says he runs everywhere.  He loves to help.  One of his jobs is serving snacks to all of the students each day at 10:00am and his teacher said he is very proud of that role and takes it very seriously.  (She said we had to schedule our call at 10:30 because of this.)

He asked who would be his roommate at our house and we said Sam.  He said he saw Sam has bunk-beds and he thinks he would like to sleep on the top.  (That is where Sam sleeps, so we might have to work on that one.) At one point during the call, Kate woke up and came down to say hello.  He said hello, but then kept asking his teacher why she was up?  She is just a kid and it's very late.  Why isn't she in bed?  Lol.  I thought that was funny.  I don't know if he was really confused, or if he liked having us to himself.  She was happy to go back to bed, she was pretty zombie-like at that hour.

When we asked what his favorite foods are he said rice and noodles.  We said those are his sister's favorite foods too!  His teacher said he also likes American food, like hamburgers and french fries. Well what do you know, those are some of your brother's favorites!  Stephen said that I (Mama) cook a lot of Chinese food and Charlie raised his eyebrows.  Not sure if that was out of surprise or doubt.

His teacher said that he has been learning some English Braille and he doesn't like it.  I said Kate doesn't either.  He said he was excited about going on a plane and when we told him we have 2 cars at home he opened his mouth really wide, like WOW.  I asked him if he likes to ride in a car, and he said yes.  I asked him if he likes the car to go fast or slow, and in English he said "FAST!"
No surprise there.

At one point his shoe dropped on the floor.  As he leaned over to get it, his teacher said, "His slipper dropped.  He loves these slippers."  When he picked it up, he held it up to show us.  It was a yellow croc.  I told him we have him some blue crocs (his favorite color is blue).  I went and got one to show him and he said, "That's mine?  Where do you keep it?" We said he has lots of things already ready for him in Sam's room. When the teacher translated that for him, his whole face lit up.  He seemed so surprised.

By the time the hour was over, I thought he was getting pretty bored, but then when he could tell we were about to say good-bye he said, "Wait, what are you going to do now?" and we said go to bed! (It was 11:30pm and I had to be up at 5:30am for work.)  He asked when he would see us and we said in about a month.  I think he looked a little sad.  I'm a little sad too, but it'll be here before we know it!  We gave kisses and said good night.  And I didn't sleep a wink!  So thankful for this amazing gift!

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Things are still progressing well.  It is our prayer that we will be able to leave for China on Wednesday June 10th. We will arrive Thursday June 11th in Beijing and meet Charlie at Bethel Doudian on Friday.

They usually have a party and cake for the child and family.  If we get to go and be there by June 12th, we will have a heck of a party, because 4 Bethel Boys are coming to Marietta, Georgia (hopefully together)! Three of them are in the picture below: second from left is Gabe, next to him (in glasses) is George and that's our Charlie rockin' out!

On that Saturday and Sunday we plan to do some sight-seeing in Beijing.  Sam and Kate are very excited to see The Great Wall.  (Kate is actually doing a school project on it right now!)  Stay tuned for pictures in the next blog post!




Then Sunday evening, we will take a train to Zhengzhou, the Capital of Henan which is Charlie's home province.  He was brought to his home orphanage in Luoyang when he was 13 months old, and then moved to Bethel when he was 2.  But all adoptions take place in the capital city of the child's home province.



On that Monday, we will get him at the Civil Affairs office.  (A chaperone will bring him from Beijing to the Civil Affairs office.)  After that, he will be with us forever.  Well, until college anyway.  We will have to stay in Zhengzhou for a few days for a couple of appointments and then that Friday we will fly to Guangzhou, in the Southern part of China, near Hong Kong.



All Americans adopting from China go through Guangzhou, as that is where the U.S. Consulate that handles foreign adoptions is.  We were actually there for most of our trip when we adopted Kate because it is the capital city of her home province, Guangdong.



The weekend of June 20th and 21st is The Dragon Boat Festival.  If we are there during that time, it will make our trip a few days longer, but looks like it will be a lot of fun!

  



When we told the kids about it, Stephen said there are races and you pick a team to cheer for.  Sam said, "Awesome!  That sounds like Medieval Times!"  Well, yes... but maybe even cooler!

So, then we will be in Guangzhou for another week.  Friday to Friday, probably (possibly Saturday). Several of our friends will be there then too.  Many of us will even be at the same hotel!

Please pray with us, that this timeline will work out.  It would be so amazing if we could all be there together!