Back to Life, Back to Reality

We have been home 6 weeks and I am starting to feel like I'm getting my life back.  This week I actually watched a movie, and today I went back to work after a 12 week "maternity leave."  For those who don't know, I'm a nurse.  I work part time weekends in an outpatient clinic caring for patients who have cancer.  I love what I do and have been an oncology nurse for 15 years (!) now.  I wasn't all that excited about going back to work, mostly just because I was worried for Stephen and not sure how Charlie would handle it, but everyone was fine, and I had a great day.  My co-workers kept calling me a saint.  I know they meant it in the nicest way, but it's just a weird thing to hear and accept when you just see yourself as a mom.

Adoption is the most unusual experience in so many ways.  No two stories are exactly alike.  Attachment and connection happen differently for everyone.  4-6 weeks ago, I felt like my hair was on fire.  I was so worn-out, overwhelmed, scared, and yet in love-- all at the same time.  I felt slightly embarrassed by Charlie's crazy behavior, but also protective when I felt like people might be judging him.  I feel immensely proud now when I hear people say (nearly every day!) "I can't believe how much he has changed since I last saw him!  He is so calm now." Calm with Charlie is a relative word.  He is still busy, busy.  But he is more peaceful, and his demeanor has changed a lot.  I have known since the day I met him that most of his craziness was from his stressed-out brain, and underneath all of that is one of the sweetest boys in the whole world.  Choosing to become the mom of a kid you've never met takes courage, but then when they become yours, you are their mother.  You're not a saint.  Dealing with raging tantrums isn't awesome, but when you look past that at the reasons behind them and all that your child has had to endure in their life time, you just do it.  Because you're their mom. 

I had Charlie's IEP meeting on Friday which is where a plan is made for his individualized education plan, since his needs are different than your average First Grader.  He will be in a regular First Grade class and receive Braille Instruction daily and Orientation & Mobility (cane training, etc) weekly.  I met his teacher, who is very sweet, and she said that she has a very kind, calm, and nurturing class and that she just knows that they'll be so excited to have Charlie.  When I told him about his teacher and his class he only had one question: "Class have battery toy, no battery toy?"  He was excited though when we went to Target and bought a Snoopy lunchbox and water bottle.  He starts this Thursday!  Our kids go to school out of our district in order to attend the school with the visually impaired program, so the county sends a bus right to our front door, and all 3 kids get to ride it.  Plenty of people bash the public education system, but for our family, with our special needs, in our county-- we think it's pretty awesome.

We went to the zoo yesterday with my parents and everyone had a wonderful time.  He had a very short attention span (as we expected he would) and was unable to actually see the majority of the animals, but he enjoyed petting a few, and feeding others.  But what he LOVED was the train and carousel.  I think my parents rode the train with him at least 10 times! He rocked his cane and did not freak out once.  I would say he was happy for pretty much the majority of the time that we were there, which was pretty much all day! 

I saw a thread on Facebook this week about adoption disruption and dissolution (when it just doesn't work out-- after you have received the child) and I cannot stop thinking about it. People in this thread were talking about how sad it is and one lady (who is disrupting her adoption) said that they had no idea what it was like, what she was going through.  She named several things that her daughter does and how she just can't take it.  Well guess what.  Charlie has done everything she listed to me.  Out of respect for him I am not going to list these things, but they are not pleasant. The difference in this lady and me is that I expected these behaviors and educated myself on how to handle them.  It is frustrating to me that so many people go into adoption with blinders on-- expecting a kid who has been abandoned and institutionalized, often neglected, sometimes abused... to act like a normal, loving kid.  I obviously don't know her whole story, and don't mean to sound like I'm better than her, I just think that so often people don't talk about how hard it is and how difficult behaviors can be, OR the fact that difficult behaviors do not equal bad child or incompatible family.

I know many people that read this blog are thinking about adopting or are in the process to adopt.  I LOVE adoption, and absolutely don't what to scare anyone out of it.  I just want to keep things real.  Of course I want more people to adopt (there are so many precious, adoptable orphans in the world), but I don't think adoption is for everyone.  And I don't think it's for saints.  It is for people that have a big heart, a strong stomach, a good sense of who you are and why you are on this earth, and a commitment to see this kid through the up's and down's of life-- regardless.  Sometimes they are easy to love and sometimes they are not.  But once they are yours, I really don't think it matters that much.  Love is a choice.

According to The Children's Bureau, 10-25% of adoptions are disrupted.  I am sure that there are cases where it is just not the right fit, and hopefully the child can be adopted by a more suitable family for them.  But I truly feel like there would be SO MANY less if people went in with a realistic, educated mindset and adjusted their parenting styles and expectations to meet the child's needs first.  Charlie has changed so much since we first met him.  I don't think we can take all of the credit.  So much of his behavior back then was just a result of his stress and overstimulation.  But seeing him change, grow, and blossom has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

Working with cancer patients isn't always rainbows and sunshine either, but it can be unbelievably rewarding.  I would rather have a life that has these contrasts because then you appreciate the good days, the victories, the life well lived, even more!

Tell Me Honestly...

This morning, Stephen and I were in the kitchen and I was telling him about all the times this week that I've seen Charlie act like a "normal kid."  He is starting school next Thursday and we've all been a little nervous about him not being ready.  But this week I have seen him wait in lines without complaint, use a public restroom properly, request a Book-for-Ice Dream-swap by himself at Chick-Fil-A, and just talk a lot more, in nearly perfect sentences.  As I'm going on and on, in comes Charlie, completely naked, spinning around with his arms in the air saying, "Hold you, Mama!"  So we're getting there, but we're not *there.*

Whenever he is very pleased with himself or someone else, he'll let you know by saying, "Good job!" Good job, Charlie!  Good job, Mommy!  If he is disappointed in you, he'll say, "No good job."  The last couple of days, the weather has been wonderful here, and he will go outside and say, "Wow! Good job, Outside!  Good job!"

In our opinion, Charlie is learning English super fast.  He did have a good bit of exposure at Bethel, and maybe all adoptees learn it this fast, I don't know.  But one thing that probably helps him is he talks all.the.time.  And he never seems to get frustrated or embarrassed at all.  He has started adding lots of additives to his sentences which make them more entertaining.  Like, "Can't ya see?" or "Actually..." or "Tell me honestly..." Today, he dried and fixed his hair and I told him he sure did look handsome.  He sighed and said, "Yeah.  So handsome."  Isn't he though?

Bop-It is his latest obsession.  We had Bop-It in China and he was very interested in it, and liked to quote the lines, but obviously wasn't able to play it. But in the last few weeks, he has gotten extremely good at it and beaten the Novice and Expert levels and is currently working on "Master." A good friend of mine told me today that there are several different versions of Bop-It, which is good news, because it is the perfect game for a kid that can't see well, but loves a challenge.

Speaking of obsessions, he also loooves Minions.  He thinks they're hilarious.  One day at Target last week he begged me to buy him a Minion Mini Movie.  I really didn't think he'd like it, since it is so visual.  I said, "They don't even speak English."  He said, "I no like English.  I like Minion."  And then spoke to me 'in Minion.'  He calls all Minions "Kevin", and he calls anything that is Yellow, "Minion."  For example, when reading Brown Bear, he'll say "minion duck" instead of yellow duck, or when we see a school bus, he'll say, "Minion Bus!  Helloooo Kebin!"

Daniel Tiger has been a wonderful show for him because it isn't that important if you can see what Daniel is doing, because he talks to you the whole time.  The shows are short, simple, repetitive, with great lessons and a song that is easy to remember.  Charlie has seriously learned so many things from Daniel.  "When you get hurt, find a grown up to make you feel better!" (Often a new concept for post-institutionalized kids.)  "You've gotta try new things, 'cause they might taste good!"  "When you can't get what you want, stomp 3 times to make yourself feel better!"  We sing these songs all day long, and they help so much!  Also, whenever he sees someone outside in our neighborhood, or a neighbor out and about, he'll say, "HI, NEIGHBOR!" just like DT!  ;)

Charlie has had several more tantrums this week, but overall has really seemed happy, much more confident, and dare I say-- more mature?  He loves having choices about things and almost always cooperates when given a choice. Sometimes he'll say, "No" when we tell him to do something, but then do it anyway.  He and Kate are still getting along, as you can see...

He is definitely eating better and his new favorite food is the potato.  He loves the game Hot Potato. He loves The Wiggles song Hot Potato and he loves to eat a hot potato. Every time we go to the "supermarket" he wants to pick out the perfect "hot potato for cooking."

We went to the retinal specialist yesterday for the ultrasound of his eyes.  Everything went very well and they got a good picture which they were happy with.  They said that they think it could actually benefit him a little bit to remove his cataracts after all, and the doctors will discuss the surgery, as well as confer with Emory, and let us know.  We are open to it, but after what we have been told, not incredibly optimistic that it will do much for his vision.  It may just be cosmetic.  We shall see.

Sometimes I don't know how much is lost in translation, or if he is just making stuff up, but he says he doesn't know when his birthday is, or how old he is.  My birthday was last week, so that got us talking about his birthday.  It is October 15th and now that is his favorite thing to talk about.  Every night at bedtime he wants to either talk about his birthday plans/wishlist and/or Duodian.  I will ask him questions and he always has an answer.  Again, not sure how much of it is true, but he loves to talk!  Every time he talks about his friends I'll ask him which friend, what was his name?  And he'll say "I don't know." I know he knows his friends' names, so that makes me wonder if some of the stories are made up.  But it doesn't bother me.  They're always entertaining, and it seems to make him happy to talk about it.

Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

I am not the same I'm a new creation
I am not the same anymore
I am not ashamed I will not be shaken
I am not the same anymore

You restore the wasted years, You build the broken walls
Your love replaces fear, Your mercy makes us whole
Adopted, healed and lifted

I bow before your cross, a broken life made new
Amazed at all You are, And who I am in You
Adopted, healed and lifted
Forgiven, found and rescued

You have overcome, it is finished, it is done
Now my heart is finally free
Every chain undone, by the power of the Son
Risen Savior, Reigning King


Literally, as I just sat down to write this blog post about how trying the past week has been, this song by Aaron Keyes just started playing on Spotify.  I am now weeping.  Thank you, Lord.  I am not the same.  Listen to this beautiful song here.
We are not the same.  Charlie is not the same.  We are all being changed.  We are all a work in progress.  Heart reconstruction is hard work.  But goodness gracious, it is worth it.

This week was super busy for me.  We had eye doctor visits, dentist appointments, play dates, trips to Target, Toys R Us, etc... but it wasn't enough for Charlie.  He whined, complained and/or pitched a fit just about every minute we were home. On Friday, we went to a consignment sale and bought several new toys that I had hoped would entertain him for a while so I could be productive at home.  But it didn't really work.  When I told him no, we were not going to the pool... cue the meltdown.  There were several tantrums this week and each time they were because he was told no.  I feel like we have gained enough trust and security with him now where it's time he starts to hear no more often, but it hasn't been pretty. He has also been a little bit slower saying he's sorry after the tantrum, but is still calmer and more cooperative once it is over and all that frustration has been expelled from his body.

Every morning he will say, "Ma.  Today what?"  When I tell him the plan, he'll nod and say, "Tomorrow, I dunno."  Coming from an institutionalized setting, this boy is used to routine.  He is used to not having to wonder what is next.  Everyone always knows what is coming and what is happening.  Not knowing really makes him nervous. He also isn't good about playing alone.  I will suggest multiple playful activities and if he's in one of his moods, he'll just say, "Ma!  Noooo!" However, if I ask him if he wants to clean the playroom, or wash clothes, or mop the floor, he is all in.  

He also seems to have no concept of time.  Again, I think this is because in his previous environments the schedule was so set, he never had to wonder what time it was, or how long one hour was.  Waiting for Sam and Kate to get home from school is brutal for him.  Even though he says he doesn't want to go to school, I think he will thrive in the scheduled environment and it will make being at home a little easier.

He and Kate are getting along a lot better.  Kate loves to play with someone.  Sam likes to play alone.  Kate and Charlie have enjoyed many rounds of Hide & Seek and Hot Potato this week.  They even played "cat" the other day.  Kate was the owner, Charlie was the cat.  This is the first time I have seen him play pretend-- Kate's favorite!  Hooray!

The eye doctor basically told us that Charlie's eyes just didn't form fully or properly when he was en utero.  He was very sweet with Charlie and spoke to him in Chinese.  Charlie wasn't all that sweet back because he doesn't like it when people make him wait.  The doctor told me that he felt that he can probably only see large obstacles, shapes, and he wasn't sure if he could see color.  I was proud to tell him that I know that he can see color because he knows all of his colors in English!  His corneas are so cloudy that the doctor couldn't see in them at all, so he referred us to a retinal specialist who will do an ultrasound of the eye to get a better idea of what all is going on inside.  We won't know if removing the cataracts is possible or beneficial until after that.

He was impressed with how well Charlie gets around with such limited vision.  He said that his confidence and courage are probably why he is able to do so, and that will take him far in life.  We knew he would not be able to drive, would need a cane and Braille, etc.  But I am slightly grieving the fact that he will probably never be able to read print, or watch movies with me.  (Have I told you how much I love watching movies?)  But I know there are audio descriptive movies out there, we just have to figure out that path, and what that looks (or sounds) like.

In his grumpiness this week, he has been talking a lot about Bethel.  He keeps asking me when we are going back there. I think some of that is grief and some of it is manipulation.  The other day when he was mad at me for telling him no about something, he said he missed Duodian and wanted to go back.  Later, I told him that hurt my feelings and that we know he is sad and that he misses his friends and nannies and teachers, but we are his family now and that we will love him forever.  He wrapped his arms around me and said, "I sorry Mama.  I love Mama.  bye-bye Duodian, hello family!"

He is obsessed with carrying around my keys.  Whenever we get in or out of the car, he insists on being the one to lock and unlock the doors.  I thought for weeks that this was just for fun, or control.  But the other day, I had an epiphany.  Kate had her 9 year check-up at the pediatrician.  I didn't want to take Charlie and Sam with me and Stephen was out of town this week.  So my in-laws said they would take the boys to Chick-Fil-A while we were at the doctor.  When I told Charlie that he said, "Ok.  But Charlie take Mama's keys."  Wait, what?  Why?  He said it again.  And I realized the real reason. Keys may me fun and noisy and give him some control, but they also assure him that I can't go anywhere.  If he has my keys, in his mind,  I can't leave.  Like I said in my last post, there are these little reminders from my adopted kids all the time that they doubt our love and doubt our commitment to them.  It is so heart-breaking, and yet so understandable.  

He was abandoned by his birth family at 13 months old and sent to his first orphanage.  Then at 26 months he was sent to Bethel and grieved the loss of the caregivers he had known at the orphanage.  Then at 7 years old he was taken from Bethel to the US with this crazy family.  We tell him we won't leave him, or send him anywhere else, but he is waiting on us to prove it.

Last week I told Kate that I wanted to pray for her.  I told her that God had given me a lot of patience with Charlie. Patience that was not in my nature, but that came from His spirit when I asked Him for it.  (And because so many people were praying for me!)  I told her I wanted to pray for that kind of patience for her too. She said okay.  In my prayer, I asked the Lord to help us show her how much we love her, and to help her know that our love for her would never change and we would never leave her.  When I was finished she was crying.  She said, "I do feel that way mom."  I asked what she meant and she said, "I feel like you don't have enough love for me and Charlie.  I worry about that a lot."  This was so sad to hear, but I am so thankful that she was able to express it.  We had a sweet moment together after that, and God did give her much more patience this week.  I am thankful, because man oh man, did he require a lot!  From all of us.

Good Job, Charlie!

Charlie looooves Snoopy.  On one of our first trips to Target he found a laughing, dancing, ear-flapping Snoopy and he has gone to visit him several times a week since they met.  Charlie went a whole week without a major tantrum and has made some great progress with his behavior recently, so I was happy to reward him with the opportunity to bring Snoopy home with him today.  He is ridiculously happy.  It is so much fun to reward this child.

He also still loves Daniel Tiger and his new favorite episode is one about empathy.  He watches it 2-3 times a day because he likes the part where Daniel says, "Hammer, hammer, hammer!"  He just laughs and laughs every time.  Sam said, "Mom, why does he think that is so funny?"  I think it's because Charlie knows that you need a screwdriver, not a hammer, to fix a doorbell.  He continues to love to fix things and recently lost his "baby screwdriver." He was very pleased with a trip to Home Depot to get a new one.

The other day in my bathroom he saw the Essential Oil that we use when he has bad tantrums.  He said, "Dat oil for tantrum.  No more tantrum.  Bye Bye tantrum!  Bye Bye oil!"  Well, the next day he had another one over wearing his seat belt, but he is turning a corner for sure.  He has started sleeping in pajamas the past few nights.  I don't know what he slept in at Bethel, but since we got him he has slept in only underwear or a pull-up.  He also has not wet the bed in several nights.  This is also huge.

Children from institutionalized care (even if it is a good facility with excellent care) have so many obstacles to overcome once they are home.  Them finding a family is not the end of their story. There are so many complicated parts to who they are and how they behave because of their past.  Click here for a super helpful article to understand what these kids are facing once home.

We talked to Teacher Fang the other night.  We mentioned that he has become more picky with food and doesn't eat as much.  She said that when we first got him food was probably a comfort and he ate so much because he was so stressed.  Now, he is more comfortable, so he doesn't need so much food.  I think she is right, and I think this is also true with the showers.  He used to take 2-3 hot baths or showers every day.  I think he thought they were fun, but also comforting and relaxing.  Now, he is becoming more like his siblings and we have to convince him he needs to take a bath.  The only time he really wants one (or takes a long one) is after a tantrum, and I believe that's because it helps him relax and get back to himself.



He still prefers not to be at home most of the time.  This is very exhausting and if I insist that we stay home so that I can get stuff done, he just complains, complains, complains. His favorite places to go are Target, Home Depot, Chick-Fil-A, the supermarket and Petsmart.  We are at one of those places every.single.day.  I am definitely more of a home-body and I'm constantly thinking about all I could be doing at home.  But he is such a joy, and having so much fun discovering new things, that I just figure I'll get all this stuff done when he goes to school in a few weeks.  I still feel overwhelmed a lot of the time, I rarely cook these days, and our house is a disaster.  But I keep telling myself that we will get some sense of order back eventually.  It might look different, but things won't be this chaotic forever.  At least I keep telling myself that.  I hope it's true.

His favorite "candy" right now is Stephen's cough drops.  Every time he pops into Stephen's office to say hello, he comes out smelling like menthol.

Our best sibling moments since getting home 4 weeks ago happened this week with a box.  All 3 kids had so much fun taking turns getting in an empty box and letting the other two flip the box over and over.  It was hilarious and sweet.  Charlie used a blanket for safety and a flashlight for security.  They had a blast and then did it again for several days until eventually the box fell apart.

We actually all went out to eat for the first time since returning from China last Saturday night! We went to Chili's, forgot to take a picture.  I don't know if you've been to Chili's lately, but they have these little kiosk screen things, where kids can play games or adults can order food or drinks.  (Or kids can order food and drinks without their parents' knowing it, if they're Charlie Seabolt.)  He ordered a bacon cheeseburger, a blondie, and a coffee.  Our server brought them to the table and was not impressed when we said we didn't order that, our 7 year old son did.  We won't be back to Chili's for a while.  It took forever to settle our bill and guess who was more than ready to get out of there?  Charlie!

The first few weeks we had him Charlie was terribly afraid of thunderstorms, and even rain. Yesterday we were outside and it started to sprinkle.  He said, "It raining, but Mommy and Daddy keep Charlie safe. Yes?"  YES!  YES! YES!  He's getting it!  Trust, safety, security-- that's what mommies and daddies are for!  Good job, Charlie!

Channeling All of That Energy

I am not much of a writer and hardly consider myself a blogger.  I just love God's gift of adoption and I love my kids.  I realize that for many people adoption and blindness are unfamiliar and sometimes scary, so I want to continue to share our family's story to educate/inspire/entertain, whatever.  I have been incredibly humbled and encouraged by so many people over the past few weeks who have shared with me that they are reading and enjoying following along here on our journey.  It is so motivating and awesome to know how many of you think of us, pray for us, and are encouraged by our story.  Ahem, God's story.

It is still amazing to me that so many of these blind orphans, often outcasts in their own land, are settling into their homes with their families in America.  Most of Charlie's friends from Bethel are either already adopted or are in the process of being adopted.  People are choosing to love these kids, to give them a home and a family. It was one year ago this week that we sent in our application to start the process of adopting Charlie, and also this week last year that I met Gabe and George's moms, Amanda and Katie.  What a year it has been, watching God's plans for these kids unfold.  God has a wonderful plan for them and for our families to be transformed by them.

When we visited Kate's orphanage last month, I was so emotional. It hit me hard that that place was once her home.  That she had been one of the outcasts.  Orphaned.  Now that she is known and loved by so many, it is easy to forget where she came from.  But it is when I forget that, that I get impatient with her jealousy and attitude towards Charlie. She needs reminding more than most that she is wanted, cherished, precious.  When she doubts those things, it can get ugly.  And we also need to remember that the Lord loves us and cares for us. Otherwise we might get ugly too.

Charlie has had a good week, and Kate is getting better.  She has shown more kindness and he is not requiring quite as much patience as he was.  He is enjoying some new responsibilities and sleeping great. He likes to check the mail, unload the dishwasher, load the washing machine, walk the neighbors' dog, and he LOVES to run errands.  I still pay him 25 cents per night to sleep.  He went to a consignment sale with me yesterday and bought a dog guitar he has been drooling over at Target for $3 with his "sleeping money."  We have only had one major tantrum this week.  He has had a few episodes of crying and occasionally will get in some weird trance where he'll say the same word over and over for about 5 minutes straight.  Sometimes it's No, sometimes it's someone's name, sometimes it's Stop.  Today he did it and I recorded it on my phone.  Afterward I let him listen to it.  I asked him what was wrong and why he did that.  He said, "I don't know.  I sorry Mom."

He has become incredibly picky with what he'll eat, which is terribly inconvenient for me.  I struggle with continuing to let him eat what he wants to give him a voice and some control, and telling myself I'm creating a monster who gets pickier every day.  The other day he had hot dogs, seaweed, and dumplings for lunch and then wanted the exact same thing for dinner.  I said no.

Last night I was able to leave Charlie with Stephen for the first time and go to Open House at the kids' school.  He handled it very well, and was even asleep when I got home-- Charlie, not Stephen! We were both surprised at how well he did and encouraged by it.  He is slowly calling Stephen "Daddy" more and more, and was happy to go the pool with him tonight, even though no one else wanted to go.

He had his evaluations for visually impaired services at school this week.  He was not thrilled with some of the things he had to do, but was moderately cooperative most of the time and followed instructions very well.  He enjoyed playing on the Brailler they have for him at school... it talks to him, which is right up his alley.  (Battery?  No Battery?)  From their assessment it was confirmed that he has very little vision, but that doesn't slow him down AT ALL.  I am sure most of his life people will assume he can see better than he can because he is absolutely all over the place.  But the bumps, bruises and scars are indicators that he doesn't see many obstacles in his path.

They had a Mandarin speaking interpreter there, just to make sure he understood all of the instructions.  She could not believe how good his English already is and he's only been here less than one month.  He listened to her and was polite, but would not speak to her in Chinese.  It is crazy that just a month ago he was talking to complete strangers on the street in Chinese and now we can't get him to say a thing!

We have had a few more play dates with much younger kids this week and it's been great.  Yesterday, however, Sam decided to take Charlie (without my knowing it) to a friend's house way up the street. We know the kid, but we don't really know the parents.  I was slightly panicked when I realized it and ran up there imagining him throwing a fit in the middle of the road (it has happened with me!) or with his pants down peeing in their yard (happens often) or breaking some valuable decoration (we have "baby-proofed" our house again), etc, etc.  But when I got there, he was just petting their cat and Sam said he was very polite and well-behaved.  So it turned out fine, and gave me hope that same-age play dates may not be all that far off.

A week ago, we had not traveled long distances by car and he was still not a huge fan of the seat belt. But on Tuesday, we drove 1.5 hours one way to my parents' house to see my brother and his family. We did have to stop 3 times each way for a potty break, and he did complain a lot, but we made it! My parents live in the country and when we pulled into their driveway he said, "Duodian!  Mommy! Look like Duodian."  That is the suburb of Beijing where he lived at Bethel.  The next day he said, "Mom, we go to Duodian tomorrow?  Yes, no?"  So cute, sweet and sad.  We have been chatting with Teacher Fang though, and it is so nice to keep connections there for him.  (He only speaks to her in English too now.)  I think his brain is temporarily shutting down Chinese to learn English faster, but we would like to help him retain his Chinese down the road.  Luckily there are lots of Chinese classes around us.

His English is so cute.  He and I understand each other most of the time.  He is very good at explaining with gestures.  He'll do something with his hands and say, "An a dis.  An dis. An, see Mama?"  I almost always can figure out what he is talking about.  It's like having a 2 year old where you know what they are saying even if no one else does.  Anything up is "upstairs", anything down is "downstairs."  About 20 times per day at the kitchen table he'll point to a food and say, "Dis, I no like."  Stephen and Sam taught him to say "Sho nuff" last night.

He is enjoying his toys now and playing much better alone.  Still not really good at playing with others yet.  He still gets very frustrated when he can't find a toy.  His vision is really only about 1-2 feet for smaller objects like that.  But we are trying to encourage him to use his hands to find things and we help him when we need to and praise him when he finds things without losing his marbles...literally, ha!

To Baby or Not To Baby-- That is The Question

Our water boy is learning to swim!  He wanted "no more floaties", so we got a flotation device that straps on your back (which he calls his 'back-pack') and he is loving it.  He is willing to stay at the pool much longer now, is quite independent, and LOVES jumping off of the diving board with no fear what so ever.

Kate is doing a little better, but is still annoyed by pretty much anything Charlie does or says, and usually pretty embarrassed by him.  Today, I heard her tell some girls at the pool that she had never met, "That's my brother.  He's special needs."

Her teachers say she is fine at school, but she is still often struggling at home.  She is figuring a lot of things out and it's hard.  I have had some more 1:1 time with her the past few days, and that does seem to help.

Today Sam told Charlie, "You are my best friend."  Kate said, "What about me?!"  He said, "Nah, you just hit me all the time now."  It made me laugh and made me sad at the same time.

On Saturday, the boys played some soccer at the park.  Sam was thrilled because there really aren't that many things that he and Charlie have found that they both enjoy yet. Charlie was so cute running around kicking the ball in all the wrong directions.  Then he would skip over to me and shout, "MA!  I like soccer!  I like soccer!"

One of the main reasons he and Sam don't have much common ground yet is because he is still quite immature.  He loves baby toys and preschool things.  We literally take him to Target and let him play with the baby toys for a reward these days!  And it keeps him busy for almost an hour!

I have set up several play dates with with much younger little friends, and it's going great. Just like your typical 3 year old play date, he is really just there for the toys, and the other moms and I have a great time catching up!

He also found an English show that he likes:  Daniel Tiger!  He watches the same episode every day, but he sits there for 20 mins.  It's simple, and DT talks to you, which he likes. He watches the episode where DT goes to school, but he tells me he has no plans to go to school any time soon.

His magnetic letters are our home-school curriculum these days.  I think we have some work to do.

He also loves Thomas the Train!  Some very generous friends gave him a TON of Thomas stuff and it is keeping him busy.  He is more interested in changing the batteries in the trains than he is setting up the tracks, but Sam and Kate have been helping with that. They are enjoying it more than they would like to admit, I think.

We also have some new favorite bedtime books.  Move over Panda Bear and Baby Beluga... Thomas books are all he wants to read now!  Especially the ones with sound effects, of course.

He is picking up on a lot of the things we say and it is adorable.  He constantly says, "Oh my gosh!" Today is just said, "Holy!"  I told him that it doesn't sound really nice to just say Holy, so he can say Holy Cow, or something.  Not sure he understood that.  Also, when he asks you something, he'll say "Yes? No?"  But when you ask him something he'll say, "Sure!"

He is still figuring out what he likes to eat, and definitely becoming more picky.  Again, kind of like a 3 year old.  He loves The Varsity-- especially the Chili "Dog Hot", Chick-Fil-A, and of course McDonalds'.  Other than that, (and bananas) we don't really have sure fire go-to's anymore.  He used to want noodles every meal and that has definitely changed.  He is still telling me he doesn't like rice. (?)  He is pretty good about eating fruits and vegetables and we are still letting him choose what he eats, for the most part, but he is not eating anywhere close to what he was a couple of weeks ago.  At his pediatrician's appointment they said he was in the 5th percentile, which is better than we expected.  He seems so tiny to us, and does have a history of malnutrition as a baby.  He is crazy strong though.  

Speaking of which... the tantrums are better.  They still happen several times a week, but not daily, and they are usually short and not nearly as violent.  He has had a few grumpy days lately and a couple of episodes where he'll just cry for a few minutes without a tantrum.  Both of these things are new, but I don't think they're bad.  They're just part of this crazy, emotional ride.

One of his favorite things to do is hide under a blanket and yell, "Where's the Charlie?!" When I "find him" and pull back the blanket he laughs hysterically like it's the funniest thing that's happened all day. On the surface some of these baby things seem so silly to play with a 7 year old, but I believe that there are parts of his brain that are learning (or relearning) things and reverting back to that stage where most babies are when they are learning to connect with their parents.  Sometimes I find myself getting used to it, and on the other hand I keep trying to explain it to everyone so they'll realize he won't act like this forever.

If you have adopted internationally or are in the process, I would highly recommend reading The Connected Child and Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child.  These books don't necessarily make this journey easy, but they do offer amazing insight into what kids from hard places are going through-- why they act the way the do, and how you can help them through this rough and bumpy transition of becoming sons and daughters. These kids need, want, and deserved to be babied.  They thrive from being held, rocked, fed, treasured.  Most of the time, this is the first time that they have been babied in their lives.  They became rough and tough survivors out of necessity, but they really just wanted to be somebody's baby.  

I know when many people see me carrying or babying my 45 pound 7 year old, they probably judge me, or think he is "special needs" as Kate says, but whatever.  I'm getting stronger and he is too, just in different ways.  Reading through these books again is reminding me of these things and bringing me immense peace and a renewed commitment to get through the storms.  Immaturity, tantrums, hyperactivity... all normal and completely expected with these kids.  And it's worth it.  They are worth it.  Sometimes we need reminding.