The Times They Are A-Changing

I just read over my last post which started with "I don't want to jinx anything, but things are going really well."  Ha!  Well, I do believe I jinxed something.  That was about 6 weeks ago.  Since then, things have sort of been out of control with us.  I had surgery and have also been diagnosed with high blood pressure.  Stephen turned 40 and quit his job (which sent Charlie into some sort of tail-spin: he doesn't like change and doesn't particularly like Stephen being home all that much). He has been incredibly difficult and much more defiant for several weeks now.  He was also diagnosed with ADHD, no surprise there.  We have had him almost 9 months and we have never once seen him tired. He moves all the time.  He talks all the time.  It is almost funny to watch him go to sleep.  He'll be bouncing his head up and down, up and down, talking, twisting, then BAM.  Snoring.



I used to be a little judgmental of other parents.  Certainly before I had kids, then a little less after. But if a kid was out of control in public, or having a tantrum, or disrespectful to their parents, I assumed it was the parents' fault.  Or if they didn't read on grade level, then their parents must not be reading with them at home.  Or if the parents looked worn out and ragged, well, they shouldn't let their kids run the house.  This judgment my friends is stupid, pointless, and doesn't help anyone. More often than most of us realize, those kids have an issue or a diagnosis that makes things this way. Not always, I'll give you that. But definitely more often then we realize.  I now know from first hand experience.



I am sure people judge me.  "Well, she signed up for this. It was her idea to adopt these kids. She made the bed, now she can lie down in it."  Yes, I did.  And I hope and believe that one day, it will all be worth it.  So let's pray it is so, and encourage one another along the way.



What is interesting about having kids, biologically or grafted in through adoption, is you never know what you're going to get, or get yourself into.  With Kate we signed up for a Chinese toddler with albinism.  We were told that she would be visually impaired, we thought that meant she would wear thick glasses.  She ended up being legally blind (even with correction), hearing impaired (she wears hearing aids), dyslexic (this affects more than you might think), and she is also the sweetest member of our family.  Once we realized we could handle visual impairment, we signed up for Charlie.  He ended up being the most hyper kid we have ever known, having a lot of emotional baggage, the brightest ray of sunshine (on his good days), and possibly the smartest member of our family.



We were obedient to God in the call to adopt.  He gave us more than we "signed up for" in more ways than one.  But the lessons we are learning along the way, truly make it all worth while.  I'm not just saying that.  Not only do 2 amazing kids have a forever home now, but we are changing too.  I am more patient, compassionate, resilient and resourceful than I ever was before.  Some friends of ours told us recently that they have been talking about adding to their family through adoption.  We were at their house the other night and the husband jokingly said, "If we bring that up with the Seabolts, they may tell us we're crazy."  Maybe, but man, crazy is good!  Isn't it more exciting than the status quo?




Yesterday in the car Kate said, "I wish I was just normal and could read like other kids."  Normal? Why would you want that? Normal is so boring.  Because of her diagnoses, she thinks about things other than being popular.  She sees big picture.  Having special needs is not easy, but I truly believe that it gives her grit, compassion, and determination.  And y'all she is going to be an amazing adult. Her passion for the marginalized is contagious.  Her zeal for history is shaping her into a world changer.



Sam has had to put up with a lot with these adoptions.  An acquaintance who is a counselor recently asked me how I thought having these kids with all of these needs was affecting Sam.  I don't want to forget about his feelings, I know it is not easy every day.  But there is not a doubt in my mind that it will shape the kind of man that he grows up to be.  One who knows the world does not revolve around him.  One who sticks up for people.  One who gets that a person's past trauma can affect them forever, and has compassion for them.



Stephen is taking some time off to decompress, get back to a healthier place mentally and emotionally, and to connect with Charlie.  He is doing some soul searching to figuring out what he wants to do next with his career.  He and I are tired and emotionally spent, but we are laughing more than we have in years.  We are all changing.  I hope you are too.  Whether it is through adoption, giving God control of your life, and/or making the world a better place-- be different!  It's worth it.