That's Truth

Charlie's English is better all the time, but he sometimes still says some awesome words and phrases. My recent favorite is "that's truth" when something is true.  Just a few weeks ago, he would still say: can I have a sic? (sip),  moobie (movie) and nusic (music).  At the vending machine, he'd say: it's soldem out.  Now, he doesn't say any of those things anymore, and I'm kind of sad about it.
Now he says things are "Ridiculous," "Seriously," and "Oh my Lord."



This week marks 6 months since we adopted Charlie, so I've been doing doing some reminiscing and thinking about all that has happened in those 6 months.  Honestly, it seems much longer than that. He has blown us away with how bright he is, and worn us out with how much energy he has.  I am no longer convinced that he has ADD because he does a great job sitting and focusing on things he is interested in now.  He has an engineer's mind and loves figuring out how things work. He loves contraption sets, marble mazes and circuits.  He also is enjoying learning how to play some games.



Someone recently told me that things I do and the way I parent seem to just come naturally to me. Sometimes I do things on instinct, but believe me, I have done a lot of reading on parenting kids from hard places.  There are two main things that I've learned that I have put into practice nearly every day at home, and they kind of relate to one another.  One is that when a troubled child feels unsafe or unloved, they respond out of fear.  (And they need reminders nearly constantly that they are safe and loved in times of stress.)  And two is that typical, punitive discipline does NOT work with them.
AT ALL.



If you threaten Charlie with a consequence of his action (i.e. punishment) it will backfire on you 100% of the time.  When he is reacting out of fear, just the thought of punishment equals rejection to him.  However, if you reward him for making a good choice, that equals praise and acceptance for him.  We do lots and lots of re-do's.  The goal of discipline is to teach a child, not to shame them.  If we can direct Charlie to have appropriate behavior (even it takes 30 minutes and 4 re-do's) and still make him feel loved and accepted, then we are all winning.



Last night, after a very rough day (at school and at home), at bedtime I was telling Charlie how much I love him and how happy I am that he is in our family.  He said, "Why did you want me?"  I said, "We wanted another son, and you're a smart, sweet boy that would fit in great with our family."  He said, "You didn't know all that.  You didn't even know me." (Busted.)  I said, "Well, I knew you were very handsome, and the pictures we saw of you told us you were a lot of fun too.  And someone at Bethel said you were a good helper and smart too.  So, we had enough to know we wanted you. And we still want you.  So much.  We love you, and will love you forever."  He covered his head with the blanket for a minute and then said, "Ok."  Convinced?  I hope so, and I think so-- at least for today. Because today was a much, much better day.  That's truth.