Charlie is a 7 year old equivalent of an Energizer bunny. He goes, and goes, and goes all day long. And then at night, at bedtime, at least half of the nights, he is an angel. He'll say, "No books, Mama. Just talk. Lay down. Right here. Let's talk." What do you want to talk about? "You go first." So I'll ask him questions. He'll just smile, staring up at the bottom of the top bunk, or sometimes turn toward me and answer all of my questions. One thing about most blind and visually impaired kids, is they don't really have personal space issues. They like to be close. So close, most people might feel uncomfortable. They can feel you and smell you and sometimes even see you, without physically touching. I have heard people say that they have had a hard time bonding with their visually impaired kids or blind kids because of the lack of eye contact. But this is our contact, and it is a sweet and special one. We touch foreheads or cheeks, we don't need good eyes for connection.
I know with little kids people often say that the days are long, but the years are short. As I mentioned in a recent post, it is hard to believe we have only had Charlie 2 months. He has only been in school 2 weeks. This seems so crazy to me. These weeks and months have seemed so long in so many ways. But I was convicted this week about wishing they would speed up. About getting this hard part behind us. I have spent a lot of time wondering what things will look like in 6 months. When will we ever get to go to the beach again? When will Stephen and I get to go out on regular dates again? But, this is what I always do. I always wish away the present. When we were waiting, I just couldn't wait to bring him home. Now that he is here, I can't wait for things to get back to "normal." Whatever that means.
God has called me to be the mama of these children. To love them, teach them, be there for them, for such a time as this. Adjusting to 3 kids has been hard on us in many ways. Leaving his life and starting over has been hard for Charlie. But we know from experience that God uses these times, these difficulties, to strengthen us and refine us. I am thankful that I have this blog to make me think about these things. To be intentional in thinking about where we are right now. What God is doing and how He is using this time to shape us. I know I for one have learned about patience, forgiveness and grace. Sam has learned about compassion. Kate and Charlie have learned about unconditional love. Stephen has learned when Mama needs a break. Lol!
The next day he was upstairs drying his hair with my new hair dryer. Stephen said, "What is he doing up there? Something sounds weird." I said, "Oh that's my new fancy hair dryer. I got it at Sally's. It's professional, so I guess it sounds different." And then, after a few minutes, I thought maybe I ought to go check. As I went up the stairs I smelled something burning, and when I got to my room Charlie was using the hairdryer to vacuum the carpet again, like he did in Zhengzhou when we thought it was cute. But now with a new "professional strength hairdryer" he left permanent damage in the carpet. When I said, "No, no, no, no, NO Charlie!" He said, "Mama, No! No yelling!" I am pretty sure he did not realize what he had done. When I took a deep breath I realized this was more than likely just an accident and tried to chill out (and thank my lucky stars this didn't happen at The Hilton in Zhengzhou). I put his hands on the burn marks and told him that he hurt the carpet, could he say Sorry? He said, No the hairdryer hurt the carpet. Not him. I said Even though it was an accident it would be nice to say Sorry. He said No. That night, in his bare feet he walked over the burns and remembered what he had done. He wrapped his arms around me and said, "I so sorry, Mama. Poor carpet."
These are just two examples of when grace won his heart. Neither time was he being malicious. The ice cream sandwiches was probably partly "I love ice cream sandwiches and no one is here to stop me from eating 5 of them!" and partly trying to entertain/show off for Sam. The hairdryer, I truly think was an accident. I am going to go out on a limb here and assume that a boy like Charlie, who has so much energy, is pretty mischievous, just a little bit naughty, and grew up in institutionalized care, has probably spent a large part of his life in trouble. When he thinks he is about to get in trouble, he tenses up and you can see the anger building. Then when we show grace, sometimes it takes a while, but that tension melts away and he relaxes. And usually gives us a hug. We have only had one tantrum this week. This is transforming stuff-- for him, his heart, and our relationship-- and it's actually easier than discipline!
Before we adopted him, we got a "diary" from Bethel, written by the nannies. It had a lot of facts, like things he did, and people he roomed with and stuff like that, but it also talked about how much he didn't like school, didn't like Braille, how he was never motivated in his studies, he had a temper and was often naughty. As much as Bethel gave him and loved him, it seems like his new environment is better suited for him. He really likes school now, LOVES Braille, and 4 different teachers have commented to me how motivated he is. Kids need families, y'all. They need grace almost as much as they need love.
No comments:
Post a Comment