Say What?

I wish I had the time and know-how to make a short video clip of Charlie's language these days.  It is so adorable.  He knows so much and then will mistake one word for another, and remind us that he still has a lot to learn.  He often calls an elevator an alligator.  The other day he asked me if a pumpkin was called a pineapple.  He loves to say, "Say what?" when he didn't understand you.  Last night he had a chicken leg for dinner and said, "Mom!  You fed me dog bones?!"  That time I think he was trying to be funny, and it worked because we all cracked up.  Whenever he gets cold he wants me to hold him, because apparently I am warm.  He'll hold onto me like a monkey and shout, "Mama's so HOT!"  Which Sam thinks is completely hilarious.



He still loves the supermarket.  He told me last week he wants to go to college at Georgia Tech to learn how to build supermarkets.  He likes to pick out something new to try every time we go.  He always surprises me with what he likes and doesn't like.  He ate an entire orange bell pepper the other day.



People ask daily how things are going for us, and him.  Obviously, different people get different answers from me, depending on how well I know them, and how much they know about our story. But it is hard to give an accurate answer in just a few minutes.  There are so many elements and layers to where we are and how things are going.  Last week when Stephen told Charlie we'd been home for 2 months, Charlie asked him if it was time for him to go back to China.  Say what?  I know to most people this sounds so sad and crazy that he would actually think that, but I think he can't quite wrap his head around what a forever family is.  He's never seen one to know what it looks like.  To fully understand the fact that he will be with us forever.  That we will not ever send him back.  We are working on helping him understand that and earning his trust and love.

This past week was Fall Break for our county, so all of the kids were home all week.  This was hard on me in some ways, because Charlie is so busy-- all day long, but the kids actually got along pretty well. Kate was awesome and did such a good job playing with Charlie.  She told me today that she is "glad we got him."  I asked her to repeat herself to make sure I understood her right. What did you say, sweetie?  "I'm glad that we adopted Charlie."
That my friends, is great progress.

Being home more and Charlie being left to entertain himself at times meant more wear and tear on our house and pets.  He was caught writing with pen on the computer monitor, hammer marks were found on the playroom wall, he was guilty of brushing the cat's teeth with his toothbrush, and he destroyed a light switch cover with a hammer.  He also (thanks to bribery) was able to go a week without having a tantrum.

There was a talking minion that he wanted for his birthday.  I made the mistake of buying it early and he found out it was in the house and went c.r.a.z.y.  I finally told him if he went a week without a tantrum, I would give him the minion.  There were days when I didn't think it was going to happen, but we would practice deep breathing and I would remind him how many days he had left before he could get the minion. I heard him telling himself several times this week, "Deep breff.  Deeeeep breff."  Sometimes, if he's not too far gone mentally, we can distract him by asking him a random question and it helps derail him.  This works a lot in the car.

 

I have also started giving him marshmallows as reward/incentive in the car.  Whenever he doesn't complain about the blinker or goes a good 10-15 mins without whining about the windshield wipers, etc, he'll say: "Charlie no 'plaining, Mom.  Marshmallow, please?"  I know that many people think I'm crazy, others think I'm ruining/spoiling him, and many people think this kid has major issues.  But I know that he is trying.  I know the car makes him nervous, the blinker and the windshield wipers drive him crazy, and I think he deserves a marshmallow. Some people in our family don't play this way, and are sick of the games and control, but for a while longer, I am willing to do it this way.  It gives him some control when he has so little, and keeps relative peace.  I am convinced that he does not have autism and many if not most of these sensory issues and control games will subside as he gains confidence and attachment.

What the marshmallows and the minion have taught me is that he IS capable of not complaining and not tantruming.  While talking him down and diverting a tantrum is still a lot of work and stressful, it is giving him a lot of confidence when he sees that he doesn't have to act that way.  He can learn self control and he will.  It isn't easy, but he now can see that it is possible.

We went to my parents' house last week and Charlie had a great time.  We went to the church where my dad is the pastor and Charlie went to a Pre-K class because they had toys.  He is still not ready to sit and listen to much of a lesson and new, crowded environments make him anxious, so my mom stayed with him.  Then at their house, Charlie learned to drive the gator!  Once he learned the route around their driveway, he was able to use his memory and the sounds of the gravel to drive independently.  He LOVED it!  He also liked feeding the ducks, hanging out with their dog, Jack, and swimming in the hot tub.









Later in the week, we went up to Elijay for apples and a petting zoo.  He picked up about 20 different goats and carried them around.  He got to feed a baby calf and hold kittens.  He was terrified of the baby chicks.  At one point Sam was holding some food cupped in his hands and Charlie thought it was a baby chick and went ballistic.  It was kind of sad, but kind of funny.  The lady that oversees the animals loved Charlie and kept giving him more food to feed them.  She even let him help her bathe one of the goats.  She said he acted like he had been attacked by a chicken before, but he never would tell us when we asked.  He is scared of almost nothing, so it was surprising to see him react that way.

We also went for a cataract surgery consult at Emory, but they said his lens and cornea are adhered so surgery would be extremely risky and could result in complete loss of the sight that he does have.

Charlie kept asking to go swimming last week, but obviously the neighborhood pool is now closed.  Then I remembered the indoor Aquatic Center and I took the kids there on Friday.  Other than it being a little cold, and Charlie not being a strong enough swimmer to do the big slide, it was a lot of fun for him.  The lifeguards there are pretty strict and they kept staring at him and I kept expecting them to get onto him about something.  Then one of them said, "Ma'am, can he see?"  I was feeling a little defensive and said, "Not really.  Why?  Can he not swim if he can't see?"  The poor guy said, "No, its not that.  I could just tell he can't really see, and I was impressed at how well he gets around and how confident he is."  Whoops.  "Oh, yeah.  Thank you."

We do get A LOT of stares, pretty much everywhere we go.  Especially if he has his cane.  Can I just put a PSA out there? Friendly curiosity doesn't bother me at all, I am happy to help educate and enlighten people on having visually impaired children.  But please, people-- close your mouth, and encourage your children to do the same.  It seems much less obnoxious that way.

 

This weekend we went to Touch A Truck, and Charlie had a BLAST.  No truck was left untouched!  He loved pretty much every vehicle.  The workers there were very sweet and patient with him when he asked hundreds of questions. 

We also used a babysitter for the first time since bringing Charlie home and Stephen and I went out to eat.  She left before bedtime, but Charlie was very excited about the whole thing and called her "Baby Scissor" the entire time.

Then yesterday, while I was at work, Stephen took the kids to China Care at Georgia Tech where they celebrated the Chinese Autumn Moon Festival.  Everyone enjoyed making lanterns and making (and eating) moon cakes.