Well, we have been home for 12 days. I am sad (and a little ashamed) that we haven't updated the blog, but oh my word-- we are so exhausted! The first week was tough with jet lag, and the second week, well, it wasn't much better, for different reasons.
[I am not even going to talk about our trip home because it was quite possibly the worst day of my life, and my blood pressure rises whenever I even think about it.]
Charlie is cute and funny and smart. And busy and immature and exhausting. We can not believe the energy involved in getting through the day. When my mom asked me today what our plans were for the day, I laughed and said, "Getting through it?" I don't want to sound too negative, because although I am worn out, I am really happy and I feel a strong connection with Stephen and the fact that we are in this together. When Charlie is having an epic tantrum (one lasted almost 2 hours) we have usually been there together, dealing with it, working through it, talking through it, and both wondering if we're doing things wrong or right. Luckily for us, as soon as Charlie is done with one of his fits, he apologizes immediately and hugs and kisses us both. We know that his little brain is going through SO MUCH right now! Especially when he doesn't get his way, or gets angry, his brain just goes wacky and he can not deal. He goes crazy and a demon takes over his little body. We obviously don't like it and it exhausts us and breaks our hearts, but he is so adorable so much of the time and so sweet when it's over that we can get over it and move on fairly easily.
As we expected, all of this has been hard for Kate. China was hard on her because she felt like she was going to her mother land, and no one there believed that she was Chinese. That hurt her feelings and I'm sure jacked up her sense of self and identity. She has always struggled with empathy, and Charlie pretty much drives her crazy. Not to mention she is quite jealous of the attention he gets and the different ways that we are dealing with him and his behavior. He gets a popsicle every time he gets over a tantrum. He gets a sticker every time he doesn't take his seat belt off or open the door in a moving vehicle. He eats whenever and whatever he wants. We leave somewhere as soon as he is ready to go. Obviously, these tactics and this way of parenting are temporary (for the most part), but I can totally understand why she is jealous, can't you? However, having the patience to deal with her pouting when we are so stretched has been a struggle, for me anyway. Luckily, she has had some good times with her grandparents who are happy to shower her with extra cuddles and attention.
Sam has the patience of Job, and thinks Charlie is completely hilarious most of the time, but Sam is cut from a different cloth. Stephen and I know that all of our kids need one on one attention and have every intention of doing that as much as possible when we get our heads above water. But right now, it is tough.
Luckily Charlie is a pretty big fan of Stephen's. He will let him take him to the store or to the pool briefly, but me leaving him has not really happened yet. He did not deal with that well at all in China, and he has gone through so much lately, that we don't even want to put him through the stress of that yet.
We have ventured out a few times and he has done well. He is friendly and adventurous. He also has his hands in his pants a lot, eats off other people's plates routinely and doesn't hesitate to drop trou whenever he has to pee. A couple of kids have said some unkind things, but most have just stared and/or played with him once they realized he knows how to get around and play just fine. Melatonin, Essential Oils, popsicles and stickers have worked well for him over the past couple of weeks, and when we look at his progress by weeks and not days, he really is learning and growing so much.
He is our Mr. Fix It. I cannot tell you how many toys and things he has fixed in our house. When you tell him something is broken, he ignores you and gets to work. He is smart, and determined. Pretty sure engineering is in his future. It's no surprise that words like "screwdriver" are already in his vocabulary.
We are looking forward to the days when we all are getting a good night's sleep, when we won't freeze whenever he gets mad, expecting a melt-down, and when our kids figure out how to play together. Right now, if Charlie isn't fixing something he has the attention span of a gnat. I know that as he gets used to his environment, and more secure and mature, his attention span will grow. Right now though, it is quite hard to believe that there is only a year between he and Sam. Sam and Kate beg for screen time all day long, and we have to beg Charlie to watch one 15 minute Chinese sheep cartoon on YouTube so we can take a shower without him destroying the house or walking out the front door!
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